Mar. 24th, 2011

jynxx: (Let it rain)
I went to bed about 3 hours ago feeling like s hit. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. And now? Now I'm awake, but not quite ready to lay back down. I don't know what happened exactly other than that my brain seems to have decided it doesn't quite want to shut down yet.

I spent the last 2 days with Jon just enjoying the hell out of our days off together. We got ourselves some booze (Horrendous tasting whiskey for him, girlie soft core drinks that couldn't get a baby drunk for me) and giggled and snuggled together while we watched television and commented on everything from deep sea fishes to politics.

I have to say there's something amazing about having a boyfriend that after over a year together I still find so much fun in conversation with him. We still laugh together, and we've hit that mark where we're comfortable with one another no matter what. It's a good place to be in when it's with someone you love.

I've never really been in love. I've been in 'tolerate' with a lot of people, and I think I mistook loneliness for affection in a lot of cases both ex-husbands included, but I very rarely like people enough to want them around for longer than a few days let alone a year's worth of time. By now, with most people, I just want them out of my sight, out of my house, out of my space. I'm honestly lucky that I've found someone that compliments me.

And honestly that's precisely what he does. He's fucking brilliant, but just absent minded enough to need me around. He's capable of living on his own, but he still definitely lives better with me here. He -needs- my company, and he likes it, for that matter, even if I am a disagreeable old grouch most of the time. And make no mistake, I -really- am.

But he makes me laugh. Even when I'm pissed. Which is a feat in and of itself. It's normally hard to make me give a damn about anything when I'm angry, aside from yelling. Yelling always makes me feel better.

I don't really yell much these days, though sometimes he frustrates me to no end. Like when he feeds the leftovers to the dogs instead of, yanno, putting them in the fridge for later and thereby wasting food we could've had the next day, or when he takes 3 weeks to clean out the car and then only really does it because I absolutely refuse to ride shotgun in his mobile garbage can.

I guess most couples have things like that though. And for once I don't feel like I'm -settling- just because I put up with these things. I'm happy. It's a great place to be in.

Maybe hopefully I can go lay down now. We'll give it a shot.

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Jynx

March 2011

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